Someone recently asked me how I come up with the topic for every week and the truth is that I usually base it on something that has happened during the week. Sometimes it’s the news, an email or something I’ve overheard. It’s interesting that over the years women have become more open to talking about sex with their friends - and it’s often not pretty.
Recently, I overheard a group of women talking about how little effort men put in (excuse the pun) and expect sex. The booty call was discussed in detail. What I found scary is how difficult it is for women to say no.
It seems that in this digital age, sex is almost always on the cards and women are so terrified that they will never have sex again that they are very happy to oblige after a text discussion. “Can I pop round for a drink?” appears to be an unequivocal “Can I pop round for sex?”
I am very happy for women to be sexually liberated and to have sex for the pleasure of it but this seems to be way out there, so I thought it was time to see how easy it really is.
I am told that there are a couple of rules in the initial contact texting through the apps: Don’t give real personal information and do not ask personal questions.
The conversation may start with something like, “We’ve been matched, would you like to chat?” You then check out the profile of the person who has contacted you to decide whether they are someone you’d like to chat to?
I have a friend who had a profile picture made up making her look completely unattractive. Her thinking is that if she gets past the shallow “looks” part, when they meet, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Once you’ve checked out the profile, the fun begins and chatting commences. You will be surprised at how many people cannot spell and do not know the difference between their and there. I know that texting is more relaxed but not getting the basics right is a deal breaker for me.
It doesn’t take long for the discussion (still on text) to turn sexual, and then you have a decision to make, how dirty are you going to be?
I think the answer depends on what you want out of this potential interaction. Is it going to be a sexting experience and you never intend to meet face-to-face, then by all means be as dirty as you like. I would find some well written erotica and plagiarise unashamedly. It will get you hot under the collar and he will have an orgasm very quickly. The chat then comes to an end - until next time.
If you plan to meet, be very careful what you chat about because you are setting the tone for what will happen next. If you are looking for a more meaningful relationship, take it slow. Don’t be too dirty because you really don’t know who you are talking to or what the expectation is going to be when you meet.
You may want to portray yourself as a self-confident sex goddess but what happens when you are confronted with someone who expects you to deliver? I think it is a very fine and terrifying line.
Sex is an adult activity based on sane consent but this is where it gets fuzzy. What is consent?
Back to the discussion I overheard. Consent to me is: “Yes, I would like to have sex with you!” It is not avoiding, a mumble or having sex so you can get rid of him. One woman actually said: “It would be easier to have sex with him if he just took me out for dinner first!” Is that how low our standards have dropped?
I have a male friend who wonders the same thing. He thinks that the quicker sex is offered the loonier the tune. But too much work also leaves him cold, he says.
“The cash, blow job ratio is out of sync!”
Are we all so lonely that sex is the only denominator by which we believe we can have a relationship?
What is right date number for sex, first date, third or 10th?
I’m on a mission to find out so please let me have your opinions by emailing me at [email protected]