#SexColumn: In search of the elusive G-Spot
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By Sharon Gordon
I often start a conversation with ‘Are you a Clitoris or G-Spot girl?’
The reaction I get immediately indicates where the conversation will end up. If I get an embarrassed giggle and a blush (this is by far the most common response), I just know that there is a lot to do going forward. If it is a straightforward ‘I’m a clit girl or a G-Spot girl,” I know that this woman knows her body and what she wants. If the answer is ‘I’m not sure I know where my G-Spot is, I know that this woman has read so many articles on the subject and has never experienced the promise of a G-Spot orgasm.
Never before has one little spot caused so much angst and dilemma for us girls. I would have loved to have been there when a German gynaecologist, Dr Ernest Gräfenberg discovered this spot in the 1950s. It was a HE and what the hell was he looking for when he found it and then named it after himself?
Hence the G – Spot.
Most women – about 80% of us orgasm from clit stimulation. Yes, penetration is wonderful – makes him feel wanted as you gasp and say – ‘Hello, Big Boy’ but really it is the clit that needs more attention. Only about 20% of us can orgasm from penetration alone. That means that the majority of us are in search of that G-Spot orgasm they tell us we should be having. We’re told we need therapy if we can’t and believe that our boyfriends think we are inadequate if we can’t! What a crock of nonsense (I’ve given up swearing this month).
We get that idea from Freud who believed that if we were unable to have an orgasm from penetrative sex we did not fulfill or grow out of some stage during our childhood! He also thought we all suffered from penis envy. Now in my case this may be true. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to own an appendage that allows me into the club? But my fiends assure me that they do not feel the same.
If your man believes the inadequate rubbish and he is incapable of being trained how to give the clit more attention - send him off to find one of the 20%. I’ll have my orgasm any way I can get it, thank you very much! Just a word of advice to the clit pleasers – it is not a DJ booth. Rubbing it like you’re trying to make a fire with sticks is not the way to go.
Which brings us back to the G-Spot. I read an article recently which says that about 6% of women do not have one at all. If you are one of those – stop looking and seek pleasure elsewhere. For those of you who still want to search here are some tips.
The G-spot is situated in the vagina on the same side as your belly button. It starts at approximately the same height as the top of your pubic bone. Now remember that very girl is different and if our genitals were more exposed, we could compare without feeling odd. There is a further complication in that it is much easier to find when aroused, and at my age I can’t waste arousal on a treasure hunt!
During arousal the texture of the G-spot changes from that normal lovely velvet feel, it lifts slightly and starts to feel like corduroy. I am not sure I can feel the difference between the two, but I think I can. The surest sign that you are close is when you touch the G-Spot you feel as if you want to pee. Don’t, just breathe through it and know that you have found it. Now wanting to pee is not my idea of an orgasm but with some persuasion and G-Spot massage it gets to feel very, very yummy. Not yummy enough to make me orgasm but certainly yummy enough for me to stop wanting to stab my partner and actually have sex.
I found my G-Spot on my own with an adult toy and some water-based lube. Any toy with a curved tip works very well. Look at the Bswish range, they have a variety of vibrators available.
Lie on your back with knees slightly raised. Insert your toy of choice into your vagina and aim towards the belly button. Keep in mind that your G-Spot may be closer to the vagina opening or cervix than someone else. When you get that pee feeling – massage around and on the spot.
You may be a soft touch or a rough rider, only you will know. With a rhythm going you may be able to orgasm without touching another part of your body. If you are able to do that you have had a G-Spot stimulated orgasm. I don’t and that’s okay with me. I get close - but then my clit just demands attention.
Now I have a friend who is one of the 20% who can orgasm from penetration, and she says that a G-Spot stimulated orgasm is wonderful. I asked her to compare it to a Clit stimulated orgasm and she said it was different not better. Another friend says that it is much better, and she prefers it. My other 8 friends can’t comment!
If you and your partner are in search of the G-spot and it is quite a nice game to play – the naming of parts! Lie on your tummy with that gorgeous tush slightly raised. Let him insert your favorite G-Spot toy into the vagina and slowly aim towards the belly button. He could use his hand – the fore and middle finger work best. When you find the spot or if you are battling and he is not asking for directions get him to make the come-hither motion with his fingers. It makes finding it easier and the stimulation more intense. Do not let him use his penis – he will get distracted and lost.
I recently discovered an uber cool new toy. It is called an Ox Glove. It is a glove with each finger textured in different ways. I think its perfect for finding the G-Spot or just for playing!
When you are completely satisfied that it is found, stimulated and climaxed or not – then and only then can his penis come to play. Let him see if the penis can find the G-Spot and who knows you may even be multi orgasmic. This is the subject for a whole other article.
Which toys to use? You can use your hand – make sure it is clean, no hang nails etc. I prefer the feel of a toy. There are several on the market. I have already mentioned the Pout Libido Wand; it is a dildo so it does not vibrate, but it so gets the job done. The Hip G or Glitter G are both medium priced vibrating G-spot finders. Any toy that has a curved head is usually G-Spot material. For a more multi purpose option try the Lelo Gigi or The Big G. These toys are in a league of their own. They have several vibrating options and some even charge like a toothbrush. Speaking about your toothbrush – not a good idea unless it is new and don’t get too carried away. It is the item most likely to be removed in the emergency room.
Lubricant is the most underrated toy of all. I have favorites for different occasions. A good water-based lube is always handy. Try Pjur or Beauments range.
It has been said and I cannot vouch for this as I have only seen it happen in porn movies and Californication that a woman can ejaculate by having a G-Spot orgasm. The liquid is similar to seminal fluid and is not urine. I would warn the poor boy though because it may come as hell of a shock. If you are able to ejaculate – I would love to hear from you. Please email me on [email protected]
So now you know where to find it, what to do with it when you do and not to care if you don’t!