By Sharon Gordon
I met my partner dancing. We were at a rave on a train called de-rail. I was a bit de-railed at the time. Our eyes locked we danced closer and closer. Eventually we said ‘Hi’. What happened next remains one of those dinner stories that we still share. It’s no secret he is younger than me so when he asked ‘Before we go any further, how old do you think I am? My answer was, ‘How old you are is completely irrelevant, it’s how old you think I am that matters!’ His guess was many years younger than I was but the caveat of ‘with sun damage’ made me giggle and we went further. That was over 17 years ago.
The moral of the story is that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they move. Most men are proud and openly admit that they cannot or will not dance. It is an indictment on what is to come. It is said that if a man can dance – he can have any woman in the room! If a man can dance the tango or salsa, you just know that when it comes to sex, he is going to move in ways that make you swoon and orgasm. Another way you can tell whether he will be a generous lover is by the way he kisses. If it feels like crushed strawberries, you know you are going to have a good time.
But what if he neither dances nor kisses like he means it? I’m always sprouting “Communicate to improve your relationship!” – What does that mean and how do you start? When your partner can find his way to Soccer City but cannot tell your clit from your elbow, you know you both need help. I suggest lessons from Tango. If you can take Tango lessons. It has long been referred to as the danceof love. You may not have to go to actual in person lessons. You can learn everything off YouTube these days.
Tango like sex is about balance and rhythm. Close your eyes and feel the music. A great tango dancer also listens to the body. The male leads – where the woman wants to go! A woman can keep her partner suspended in time and lust until the correct beat is heard – and then the dance continues. It is seduction at its very sexiest. You both need to know each other’s body, the wants and needs. Not what you wanted twenty years ago but what you want and need now.
If you don’t know where to start do a simple enough exercise, called Body Mapping. It is sexy and fun, it will leave you amazed at how little you know about each other. Draw an outline of a body (a bit like a crime scene will do) back and front. A complete set for each of you and another one representing your partner.
Now in order of pleasure mark out where you like to be touched and then do the same for your partner. How closely do they compare? Do you think he likes his knees being touched but it’s actually his nipples? Be honest! This is your one shot to take your intimacy to a different level. If he always touches your ass and you hate it, make sure it is completely off the list so when it appears on his you can tell him just how much you hate it.
You can visit www.lolamontez.co.za for a print our and more instructions. Doing this exercise one evening while load shedding is on, being honest about your likes and dislikes will open a whole new way of communicating. Be gentle. He may think he is Romeo in the bedroom department, and you don’t want to destroy his version of himself (unless you do!)
Another lesson from tango is preparation for the dance. Tango dancers dress for the occasion. They look and smell good. It is part of the seduction. Great sextakes preparation. It cannot be had when the children are screaming in the next room and lunches still have to be packed. A heads up, if you help your partner get everything prepared and out of the way, with no expectation, gratitude will flow. In the dance the music and dance floor is carefully chosen.
The washing has been done, Lego picked up or swept to the side. The seduction started hours ago. You’ve practiced the moves. This is the dance that is fluid – with no rules. It is exciting and unpredictable. Like Sex. The moment of joining perfect and the result – a room full of jealous and admiring fans. Just like my neighbours!