By Sharon Gordon
Johannesburg - Wanna play nurse?
A sexual fantasy or erotic fantasy is a mental image or pattern of thought that stirs a person's sexuality and can create or enhance sexual arousal
The one thing you need to know about fantasies is that they rarely live up to expectation!
A sexual fantasy or erotic fantasy is a mental image or pattern of thought that stirs a person's sexuality and can create or enhance sexual arousal. A good old fashioned normal fantasy is defined as the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need an object of fantasy also: a mental image or a series of mental images (as a daydream) so created sexual fantasies of adolescence.
The bit I like there is unrealistic!
I was having a discussion with my trainer while panting around the field (it’s one of the ways I get to hear heavy breathing!) He was telling me about a woman he is ‘vibing’ with and that she seems to be sexually adventurous because of the fantasies she was sharing with him. And then as the fearless teller of necessary truths I burst his fantasy bubble.
We will always try to recreate the conditions we have set up in our mind to play out the fantasy but inevitably the end result leaves us feeling a tad cheated. It’s a bit like a serial killer trying to recreate the high of his first kill.
Also, this week I was watching a documentary on women whose naked pictures appear in chat rooms on social media. They are traumatised. My first question is where did the image originate from? Inevitably it was taken by the woman and shared with her trusted, intimate partner who then either through ego or revenge shares it with mates. The minute that happens it is public property and is likely to end up on a porn site. So, photographers and models beware.
There are a couple of rules we should all be following when we share intimate thoughts and pictures. When it comes to pictures NEVER, EVER have your face in the frame. I don’t care how much you think you love your partner. There is a very high risk that this picture will land up somewhere you don’t want it. Without your face you have deniability.
Imagine a hot passionate picture taken today, shared with your trusted lover appearing on google images or a porn site when your children are looking for something.
If you’ve already done it, my advice is to face it head on (excuse the pun) with no shame and embarrassment. If you do that you remove the power behind it. Someone wants to blackmail you with your naked bits – own them and be proud, it’s too late to have shame and regret. It’s all you can do.
When it comes to fantasies, I have a filing cabinet approach.
In the top drawer are those common, everybody has them. It’s the nonsense you share when someone is trying to pick you up in a bar or chatroom.
I want to have sex in a public place, in a jet, dress up like a schoolgirl, play with sex toys. Simple and nothing incriminating. It’s available for public consumption. The kind of thing that those of you starting sexual exploration find titillating.
The second drawer you will only ever share with your intimate partner and that even if heartbreak and revenge become part of your future, you are still able to face up to. These fantasies are darker, more out there. They turn you on when you need a bit extra. Everyone is different. Maybe it’s bondage or swinging that rocks your boat.
The third drawer is the darkest of all and it is made up of the fantasies that you keep to yourself because without a doubt they will be held against you in divorce papers. If you’ve ever had a fantasy about having sex with his brother or best friend – shut up and keep it to yourself.
Living out your fantasies can be done but it will never feel like it does in your mind. Maybe it will exceed your expectations, maybe it won’t.
Women's sexual fantasies do not always reflect what they want in real life, according to a recently published study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Some of the fantasies women shared in the research included:
– Having sex with two women.
– Watching two women have sex.
– Having sex with a stranger.
Some of the less common sexual fantasies women reported in the study were:
– Dominating someone sexually. (46.7%)
– Watching someone undress without him or her knowing. (31.8%)
– Having sex with two men. (30.9%)
– Wearing clothing associated with the opposite sex. (6.9%)
– Having their sexual partner urinate on them. (3.5%)
– Having sex with an animal. (3.0%)
Women and men often share similar fantasies
– Having sex with a total stranger – women – 48,9% men 72,5%
– Being dominated sexually – women 64.6% - men 53.3%
– Swinging with another couple – women 17,5 – men 42,3%
– Watching someone undress without them knowing – women 31,8% - men 63,4%
– Masturbating in front of a total stranger – women 28% - men 62,4%
One of the fantasies we never talk about because it really is too ghastly to contemplate or admit to is the rape fantasy. This is one of those cases where nobody wants it to happen in real life. It leaves all sorts of violent doors open. Not surprisingly there is no research on the subject.
Fantasies can be a great go to when your libido is flagging and if you do not have the courage to share drawer 1 or 2 with your partner you can go to some erotic games on the market. Lola Montez stocks a variety of dice which when played give you instructions and options like, where, what position and which accessory. Who knows you might be able to live out some of those fantasies you haven’t been brave enough to verbalise.
Have a happy week and don’t forget to play.