Opinion - By virtue of being born into this world, all of us carry various forms of vulnerabilities.
These vulnerabilities become worse when a child experiences psychological and/or physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect or abandonment, which contribute to a range of mental health problems.
Child sexual abuse is a global phenomenon that cuts across race, language, culture, religion and social class.
It is estimated that globally one in five boys and one in four girls are sexually abused.
Contrary to the myth of stranger danger, in about 90% of cases the perpetrator is known to the child.
There is no specific profile of an abuser - the person might be a trusted friend, teacher, priest, coach, an uncle, brother, grandfather or a father. Although far less frequent, women too can be sexual abusers.
While the “Me too” movement, that focuses largely on the sexual harassment of women in the workplace, has taken the world by storm, we must not forget the millions of girls and boys across the world who are sexually abused, and who are often condemned to a world of silence.
The World Health Organisation estimates that globally about 150million girls and 73million boys, under 18 years of age, had experienced forced sexual intercourse.
Given the secrecy of child sexual abuse and the fact that it is never easy to disclose, the full extent of the problem is unknown.
Recent cases that hit global headlines reflect that even in more liberal societies, it is not easy for children to divulge sexual abuse.
It took one ordinary, brave woman, Rachael Denhollander, and tenacious investigative journalists from the Indianapolis Star, to blow the whistle on Larry Nassar, who had sexually abused over 265 girls in the disguise of medical interventions.
Denhollander’s disclosure reveals the power that one person has.
Her courage enabled others to come forward and testify against the perpetrator, achieving quite an extraordinary outcome.
It is the POWER OF ONE and THE POWER OF MANY that got Nassar the sentence he deserved.
If you have been abused, you too have the power of Rachael Denhollander. Talk - it is not your fault that it happened to you.
Sexual abuse has enduring, painful and debilitating effects on a child; a life of lost hopes and dreams - where normal life may have little or no meaning.
It induces feelings of deep shame and is the most toxic, which prevents many survivors of sexual abuse from disclosing.
Survivors of sexual abuse tend to develop various forms of addictions, anxiety, depression and a tendency to self-harm by, for example, cutting oneself.
The trauma of abuse may be such that we push the hurt inner child deep into our psyches, not allowing the painful past to come to consciousness.
Thus, we may not know the sources of our current self-destructive behaviours and stressful circumstances.
Begin conversations with a person or people that you trust. Seek professional help from a therapist if you need to.
Acknowledging vulnerability and emotional pain is not a sign of weakness.
It reflects strength and our willingness to reclaim our power and control that we might have given over to the abuser and the power to shape our own lives.
The abuser is not the editor and author of your destiny. You are!
Child sexual abuse is more prevalent in male-dominated, closed societies where sexuality is regarded as a taboo.
Nawal El Saadawi, a psychiatrist, who was born, lived and worked in Egypt, wrote about the horrific effects of these beliefs and practices in a book titled The Hidden Face of Eve.
In relation to young girls, she said: “She cannot stand up to her elder brother because of fear of his authority, which is consecrated by custom and law, or fear of the family, or as a result of a deep-seated feeling of guilt arising from the fact that she may be experiencing some pleasure under the touches of his hand, or because she is only a child, not able to understand exactly what is happening to her.”
Saadawi’s observations have important implications for the prevention of child sexual abuse. Prevention efforts, in South Africa and across the globe, have focused largely on “good touches and bad touches” and on warning children against strangers.
The reality is that sexual touching feels good whether one is six, 16 or 60 years of age.
Parents/caregivers must be brave enough to inform children precisely where they must not be touched - that breasts, vagina and penis are off limits.
It is never too early to start warning children about sexual abuse.
For very young children, with limited language, bath time can provide a good space for teaching.
A child can be shown parts of her/his body where she/he must not be touched.
Give the child permission to scream, jump, scratch and to inform you or someone else, irrespective of who does the touching.
Given my professional awareness of the extent of child sexual abuse, I was always cautious with my daughter.
I would write down the names of friends and family members closest to her and tell her that if she was ever touched where she should not be, she must scream, run and let me know.
And I would let people around us know about it and that I had zero tolerance for it.
Acknowledging the existence of child sexual abuse and talking about it can serve as a deterrent.
Perpetrators usually perfect the art of grooming and manipulation, where the child stands no chance against them.
The abuse usually takes place over a period of time, beginning with declarations of love, gift giving, and seemingly “innocent” touches that progress to overt acts of sex.
These are sometimes combined with threats against the child and/or important people in her/his life.
While the touching might be experienced as pleasurable, this does not minimise the feelings of shame and contamination that the child grows up with.
In fact, it intensifies and accentuates self-hate and self-destructive behaviours.
The Stockholm Syndrome teaches us that one can develop a bizarre attachment to one’s abuser, even under dreadful circumstances.
People often question: “But why did she/he take so long to disclose”, with the time-lapse being seen as a disclaimer for the credibility of the disclosure. If we understand the complexities of child sexual abuse, it becomes perfectly understandable why people do not disclose, or disclose years after it has happened.
While the abuse itself is horrendous, maintaining the secrecy to protect the perpetrator and not taking action when the child discloses - in the name of family honour - constitute an endless traumatisation of the child.
Disclosure constitutes the first and essential part of healing and to having one’s pain acknowledged.
Children who have been sexually abused must know IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
While no child should be subjected to the horrors of child sexual abuse, when it does happen let us not condemn our children to a life sentence of silence!
A society must be judged on the extent to which it cares for and protects its children.