Clinical psychologist Dr Rani Samuel.
Clinical psychologist Dr Rani Samuel.

Expert: What women want in a partner and marriage

By CHARLENE SOMDUTH Time of article published Aug 31, 2018

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Opinion - My psychotherapy practice is an emotional cocoon. It's wrapped in privacy, sheltered in trust and draped in transparency. It's a space where the secrets of the heart can be revealed.

Anuschka, a quirky 14-year bohemian poet, was troubled by a decadent wedding ceremony she attended. She had received gloomy news that the couple had separated, two weeks after the nuptials.

“Don't people understand that love is supposed to be pure?” she lamented.

Anuschka has endured tragedy in her fledgling life, and understands love and loss. The sudden death of her mother and nurturing a melancholic father has made her wiser beyond her years.

Let me introduce Kriya, a young widow with two small children. She is grappling with perennial loneliness and the empty half of the marital bed. “Why did you choose to marry Ishen?” I ask. “To share a life with someone, to belong and have a best friend - we had all of that you know.”

I ask: “What do you miss most since he passed away?”

She says: “I miss making two cups of coffee in the morning, having a masculine presence at home and lengthy conversations about everything. He was a man who supported my career and the emotional intimacy we savoured was often followed by sexual intimacy. I loved being married.”

And then there's Simone, feisty, married once for two years, outspoken Tinder Queen! Our sessions would make for reality TV blockbuster ratings.

“What are you looking for on these dating apps?” I ask.

“I want to get married again and be able to tell my husband about my day, share my spiritual values and enjoy playful love making and not emotionally disconnected sex. I'm going to keep looking until I find him.”

So what's my conclusion? Many women want a marriage for a lifetime. If you are willing to be the best friend, confidante, lover and cheerleader, you will have her heart for a lifetime, too.


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