Durban - Twenty years on but the pain of losing a child has remained the same.
For the parents, relatives, and siblings of the children who were killed in the stampede, every day is a different struggle as they find ways to cope.
* Lazarus Soobramoney lost his 15-year-old son Rory, a Grade 10 pupil at Westcliff Secondary School.
“Although it will be 20 years, I wake up every morning thinking and looking for my child,” said Soobramoney, a principal.
He recalled the morning he dropped Rory at school.
“While I was driving, my mind drifted for a second. I was about to drive past his school when he shouted ‘daddy, daddy don’t forget me’. Those words still play in my mind. No parent can overcome this loss. It is too huge a mountain to get over.”
He said Rory’s belongings at home were not moved.
“His toothbrush is still where it was and his clothing is still in his drawer.”
Soobramoney said a few months after the tragedy, he opened his son’s Bible.
“It had a bookmark on John, chapter 14. The first line on the page was: ‘Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God’. I read that chapter repeatedly as it gives me strength.”
He said he had plans for Rory and his two other sons.
“They were all supposed to finish school and get their driver’s licences. I was going to buy them cars, but I never got to do that for Rory like I did for them. I never even got to buy him a cellphone or a shaving machine.
“Every day I turn to God for strength. I talk to him to get me through the days. My son was the love of my life and if I could have given my life for him - I would have in a heartbeat.”
Soobramoney stipulated, in his Last Will and Testament, that he be buried in the same grave as Rory, at Mobeni Heights Cemetery.
* Lucy Govender’s son Sumeshan, 12, was among the victims.
He was a Grade eight pupil at New Forest High School.
“There is an emptiness that no one can understand unless you go through it,” said Govender, a principal.
“They often say time heals, but time can only heal a little. When there is a special occasion, like a birthday or this anniversary, it can take you right back to the start.”
She said there was an emptiness in her home.
“But I try to keep myself occupied, which means spending more time working.”
Govender said she converted Sumeshan’s bedroom into a prayer area, where she prayed and meditated.
* Shamala Naidoo said her daughter, Guresha, 15, a Grade 10 pupil at Arena Park Secondary, was a brilliant child who had big dreams.
“She wanted to be a physiotherapist but I never got to see her matriculate, graduate and, maybe, open her own practice.”
Naidoo said when she saw what was happening to the youth of today and the crimes against women and children, she felt Guresha was in a better place.
“There is a lot of peer pressure, bullying and violence against our children in today’s society.”
* Jaya Pillay said he joined a support group for grieving parents after his 17-year-old son, Mahasivan “Nolan”, died.
He was a pupil at Meadowlands Secondary School.
“It helped us over the years and made us stronger. We also had the support of friends and relatives, who make those tough days a bit easier.”
* Aslam Kudoos said his mother still struggled to cope after his sister, Sumaya, 15, died, but she gets comfort from being with her granddaughter.
Sumaya was a Grade 11 pupil at Southlands Secondary School.
“My mum took my sister’s death badly and, every year, it got worse. However, four years ago my niece was born and she is the spitting image of Sumaya. Every time she is around, my mother smiles a little more. My niece has brought her solace.”
* Sunita Sowrimuthu said she involved herself in charity work and spending time with orphans after her daughter, Leeosha “Phillisha”, 14, died.
Leeosha was a Grade 10 pupil at Montarena Secondary School.
“Life without my child will never be same. I also lost my husband four years ago, who was my strength all these years, but with God, I have become stronger.
“I also want to be there for children who don’t have parents. I give them that love, time and support - as I would have with my own child.”
* Alvin Maduray said the loss of his sister, Chantal, 16, was devastating and that his family still missed her dearly.
Chantal was a Grade 11 pupil at Kharwastan Secondary School.
“My mum’s life was shattered and it was hard for her to let go. However, the love and support we received from family, friends, colleagues and the community was overwhelming, and helped us through this difficult and tragic time.”
Maduray said his mother, Mogie, who passed away on February 23, found strength and fulfilment in the self-help organisation for bereaved parents, The Compassionate Friends.
“My mum later became the leader for the KZN chapter of the group and she strongly believed that the healing came from helping others in their times of difficulty.”
* Jaidene Mohunlal, 11, was remembered as being a bubbly and outgoing child by her uncle, Rishi Mohunlal.
Jaidene was a Grade seven pupil at AYS Memorial Primary School.
“She was always full of life and had confidence in herself. My brother, his wife and all our relatives still feel the void that was left when she passed away. You never get over the loss of a child.
“Every year on her birthday, on her death anniversary, at every function, we will think of her - those days are even harder as the years go by. Her youngest sister was just a year old when she passed away and she never got to share special memories with her.
“The family still finds it difficult, our lives changed completely and there is a sadness that you cannot get rid off,” he said.
* Candice Jagnaik said she lost not only her sister but her best friend.
Vineshree “Karen” Pillay, 15, a Grade 11 pupil at Newhaven Secondary School, was among the children that died.
Jagnaik said they were born 11 months apart and were inseparable.
“Not a day goes by that we don’t miss and think of her, she is a constant memory.
“I still get emotional when I think or speak about her but I share my memories of her with my husband and children.”
Jagnaik added that she lost her best friend.
“She was my other half, we shared everything.
“She was also the light of our home, with her vibrant and jovial personality,” she said.