Durban: When Pajavaranam Manickam decided to look for a potential bride, he did not know he would find his soulmate at the first house he visited.
“When I laid eyes on Sandammal, I knew she was the one for me. I feel blessed to have found the perfect partner with whom I am growing old,” he said.
Manickam, 86, and Sandammal, 76, of Overport, celebrated their diamond anniversary on May 6.
Manickam, who worked in the import and export clearance division at the Natal Blood Transfusion Service before retiring, said he told his brother-in-law that he wanted to get married.
"I asked him to help me find a suitable partner in 1961. I was already in my 20s and felt I was getting old. I did not want to start a family too late in life. My brother-in-law told me he knew families in old Mount Edgecombe who had unmarried daughters and we would visit them."
His brother-in-law's niece also lived in the area with her husband and stepdaughter, who happened to be Sandammal.
“We took two buses and when we arrived there, we visited his niece's home first. At the time, only his niece and Sandammal were at home. When I saw Sandammal, I thought she was beautiful.
"We spent time there and then we went to all the other houses. But I told my brother-in-law that I was actually interested in Sandammal . We went back to the house and spent more time there. They had already prepared lunch and we spoke for a while. Sandammal was reserved and kind."
Manickam continued to visit her home almost every weekend.
"I eventually told her that I would like to marry her. She told her father and he agreed as he already knew my family. By the end of that year, my siblings, brother-in-law and I went to their home for a proposal."
Sandammal, a retired cook for the South African Police Services, said Manickam was handsome.
"But most importantly he was kind-hearted. He spoke with respect and was family oriented. This showed me that he would be a good husband and father.
“After our proposal, we used to go to the local hall to watch movies on Friday nights. We never sat together. Men and women had to sit separately,” she said.
In 1962, the couple married in a traditional Hindu ceremony at Manickam’s relatives home in Overport.
“It was a double wedding ceremony with one of his brothers and his bride, who are both now late. My aunt owned land next to our home, which was vacant. We had a big tent put up and over 900 guests attended. It was a grand celebration.”
Manickam wore a grey suit and Sandammal, a green sari. The newlyweds then moved into Manickam’s family home.
“I come from a big family. I had 11 siblings and we lived a happy, blissful life. Some of them got married and left home. About 40 years ago, my brothers and I decided to break down the original house and build a flat. My wife and I still live in one of the units."
The couple had two children - Bavathiri Singaram, 58, a nurse, and Suganthiran, 54, a vice-principal. They also have three grandchildren.
The couple said, like all marriages, there were ups and downs, but they always resolved their problems.
“And it was always done in a respectful manner. It is sad to see couples fight using vulgar language on their partners. I always said no matter how upset I was, I would never disrespect my wife. Problems can be solved without violence."
Sandammal said: “If we are not happy about something, it is important to talk about what is troubling us. Also, by saying hurtful things to your partner, you are breaking them down instead of uplifting them. This is something we always tell young couples. You must work hand in hand with one another."
One of the highlights of their marriage was when Manickam had to attend a week-long conference in Amsterdam.
"After the conference, we visited my brother in London. We thereafter travelled to Paris, Switzerland, and Germany, among other places. It was a great experience. We spent almost a month abroad."
Manickam, who is the guru at the Shri Sithevinayaga Sivasaathana Thava Saiva Sangam, said they now spent their days attending various events over which he presides.
“My father, who came from India in 1885, was a Tamil teacher and one of the founding members of the Sangam. I always wanted to be a priest and I trained at an early age. I took up the role full-time about 10 years ago. I am blessed to have a supportive wife, who attends various prayers or events with me."
Sandammal added: “We also enjoy spending time with our family or being at home relaxing in front of the TV watching Indian soapies. My husband also loves when I cook his favourite meal, curried dhall."
For their anniversary, they had a celebratory lunch at their home with family.
The Post