Opinion - WE recently heard of a 7-year-old girl being raped in the toilet at the Dros restaurant.
There are a lot of warnings circulating on WhatsApp informing women not go to toilets alone because there have been reports of them being drugged and kidnapped from these facilities at malls.
The number of missing children being posted on social media is overwhelming, to the point that when my teenage daughters ask me if they can go to the mall with friends, I have a panic attack.
I am torn between letting my children explore life and protecting them from harm. My inner turmoil is so frightening. I beat myself up all the time, second guessing myself for not letting my children go out.
“How can they spread their wings if you don’t let them out of the nest? You are stifling them. How will they hold their own if they don‘t get street smart? Only exposure will prepare them for the world,” the voice inside my head keeps accusing.
It’s a biopolar drama inside my head: “You are doing the right thing. Protect your children at all cost. Even if the cost is not letting them live. Rather be safe than sorry.”
On those rare occasions when I do send my daughters out with friends, the rule is, wait for it, that there are some boys present as well.
Their friends are shocked. Some even say their parents won’t send them if boys are present. I warn them against going to the toilet alone and I tell them to ask the boys to wait outside for them.
I made it my business to know their guy friends and I would like to think the girls will be safe around Shrek (my daughter’s BF from Grade 1) and the like.
The day before Black Friday, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was glad to know that my teachings have not gone on deaf ears.
My daughters understand the public toilet safety measure, enough to recognise that other parents are being blatantly negligent. I was also filled with sadness when my daughters told me they had just witnessed a mother usher a young girl child into the toilet alone.
According to them, a mother who had a trolley full of clothes, obviously not paid for, told her daughter, who appeared to be younger than 10, to go to the toilets while she watched from the Truworths store entrance in Gateway.
“You can’t even see the toilet from the entrance and with everything that is going on, you would think people will take more precautions,” said my daughter.
I couldn’t agree more.
The bargains that you are getting should never come before your child’s safety.
In this case the mother could have easily left the clothes at the cash counter or with an assistant, while she took her child to the toilet. Again, our priorities come under fire.
If you know about the current sales, then you are not living in the underworld, so you should know about the dangers and predators lurking at every corner in broad daylight.
Predators know they can “tata ama chance” because parents are preoccupied with everything but their children, with cellphones coming up as priority number one.
In another incident, I was in the slow lounge at OR Tambo International Airport when I noticed a lady so busy on her cellphone that she barely noticed the child she was accompanying was wandering about. I couldn’t focus on the book I was reading because I took it upon myself to watch the child.
When the grandmother, as I later learnt, put her cellphone away and attended to the child, I went back to my book. I looked up in sheer horror to find the voice saying to me, “Can you please help me with this?”
It came from the same young girl. I looked at the girl and then at the grandmother, shocked. There was this little girl standing in front of me, with a gold chain around her neck and a toy with candy inside that she wanted me to open.
Perhaps I have an innocent face that the grandmother didn’t think anything wrong with allowing the child to come to me for help, while she went back to her phone. But I felt so stressed that I struggled with the toy.
I kept looking at the child and the grandmother, but the grandmother was not looking at me.
She entrusted this child with me, a stranger. I could have lured the child away; I could’ve laced the sweets with some drugs; I could’ve stolen the gold chain.
“What is wrong with women?” I kept asking myself as I fumbled with the toy. The more I panicked, the less progress I made in getting the sweets out. Finally, I made light conversation with the grandmother, bringing her attention to me and the child.
The toy was opened, the sweet was out, the child could go back to her grandmother, and not a moment too soon. I was relieved the child was back with her grandmother and as the lounge got busier, relieved even more because the grandmother paid more attention to the child.
I am not going to apologise for being paranoid. We live in such a sick world, we can trust no one. I urge all parents to be more vigilant, always.
Our precious children need us to be the parent. As we go into the festive season, let us hold onto our children in the shopping malls and never let them go to public toilets alone.
If you are fortunate enough to have responsible parents or sisters, ask them to look after the children at home while you catch up with the shopping.
But don’t leave your children with anyone, be it your parents, close family, friends or neighbours if you think they will be in more danger with them than with you in a busy shopping mall.
Always put your children’s safety first. Perhaps one day I will find the courage to stop people in real time, when I see them putting their children at risk. Until then, I hope my simple message reaches every parent possible.
* Govender is the founder of The Big 5 Guru, and is a writer of ISO management systems.