DURBAN:With the increase in professional women presenting for therapy, I’ve developed what I call the “GLAM Quotient” to assist working women reach their full potential. “GLAM” is an acronym that stands for Grace, Leadership, Authenticity and Mindfulness- four concepts I believe are essential to attaining a balance and preventing burn-out. We live in a time when women have accomplished so much, having more choices than ever before, but somehow our lives are more stressful than ever. There seems to be pressure from all sides. We want to be perfect mothers, but with it being almost impossible to survive on a single income, both parents work to ensure their children are well-provided for. As our careers take off, our biological clocks begin to tick and it almost seems like something has got to give. While roles may be changing, women still tend to be the primary caregivers. Society seems to expect it of us.
Where does GLAM fit in?
GRACE
I always say that women can do anything men can do and in high heels. We live in a time where anything is within our reach, but in order to compete with men, why should we try to be like men? It makes more sense to use strengths - we need to be proud of and capitalise on our feminine qualities. Be graceful by maintaining your natural disposition to be kind, helpful and caring. You don’t have to wear a power suit in the boardroom. Be yourself. If you like wearing pretty dresses, then so be it- if you do your job well enough, there’s nothing more to prove. You will always be remembered for the way you treat people.
LEADERSHIP
Remarkable leadership begins with a vision. We need to clearly envision our goals and be so passionate about it that the rest of your team feels as motivated to work towards these goals. To be a phenomenal leader, you need to lead by example. Whether it’s your children at home or your team at work, display the behaviour you would like them to emulate. A remarkable leader identifies the strengths in her team and reminds each person of his or her strengths. By making others feel good about themselves, you give them the confidence to perform better, thus leading to more positive outcomes.
AUTHENTICITY
Surprisingly, grown women seem to be as likely to fall prey to peer pressure as teenagers these days. Sadly, at a time when women are meant to be confident to make their own decisions, many still feel pressured to live up to certain ideals and expectations. One of the realities of being authentic - having the confidence to be yourself even if goes against popular culture- is that your circle will become smaller. It’s not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you will begin to respect yourself enough to distance yourself from people who don’t make you feel valued.Being authentic means you are able to speak your mind, dress the way you feel most comfortable, engage in activities you enjoy, etc, without being bothered about whether it’s what’s trending at the moment.
MINDFULNESS
With roots in Buddhism, mindfulness has been scientifically proven to be effective in the treatment of stress, anxiety and depression. Juggling many roles and responsibilities, our minds are often overworked - thinking, planning and worrying. Mindfulness basically means focusing your mind on the present moment. We can’t change the past, and by focusing too much on it, we may become depressed. Excessive worry about the future can lead to extreme anxiety. All we can control is the present moment. Whatever you are doing, focus on it wholeheartedly - use as many of your senses as you can to ground yourself in the moment. Whether you are enjoying a cup of tea, going for a walk or having a conversation with your children, try to be completely present and eliminate distractions. When you are interacting with your family, set your phone aside and show your family they are more important than anything on your phone. Meditation is a useful exercise to keep you grounded in the present. Some equally useful techniques are breathing exercises and adult colouring books. Having this quiet time helps you reflect on how you are feeling and prevent burn-out.
While as women we may have been raised to be self-sacrificing, to put everyone’s needs before our own, we need to remember that if we are not completely nourished, we cannot take care of others.
So, if you want to be a great mother, chief executive, employee, wife, daughter, etc it begins with taking care of YOUit begins with GLAM!
* Beekrum is a counselling psychologist.